Lattes and Slashfic
by Serafina360
Summary: Convinced that Alec is a vampire hunter who owes a life debt to Simon, Simon's friends have slashfic in mind. Everyone objects. One-shot.


**Lattes and Slashfic**

**A/N: **This story was inspired by a short ficlet written by Spun and which you can find on her tumblr. I highly suggest you read that first as it provides much of the backstory for this fic.

Once again, Simon found himself in a coffee shop with his friends bombarding Alec with questions. How they had ended up hanging out again, Simon had no idea. But Alec had been free, seeing as he didn't really do much except for Magnus. And that wasn't how he had wanted that thought to come out. Quickly he tried to shove himself back into the conversation and put all thoughts of Alec plus Magnus out of his mind.

Simon was slightly surprised that Alec had let the fib go on for this long, but he seemed to almost be enjoying himself strangely. Very few people would have recognized him as being happy, but there as the hint of a smile pulling up the corners of his mouth and his eyes were darting around to everyone who was talking. And it wasn't a shifty I-wonder-which-person-here-is-a-demon-and-I-must-k ill-them look. It was happy and engaged. Seeing Alec like that was quite a change from his normal demeanor of grumpy, grumpy or Magnus. This was more of his Magnus personality, and Simon almost found himself wishing that Alec never left Magnus if this was what it did to him.

Suddenly one of Alec's wholly strange replies was cut off as he suddenly brightened, an actual smile appearing, having caught sight of something behind Simon. His friends turned to look too, their eyebrows almost disappearing into their disheveled bangs in surprise. Simon twisted around in his chair to face the entrance, already suspecting who had just entered the coffee shop. Standing at the counter, ordering some concoction was Magnus Bane in one of his trademark ostentatious outfits. What he was doing here, was Simons first question. Then, how could they fit him into this vampire thing? A boyfriend could probably be worked into the story but Simon suspected that a few words out of Magnus' mouth would spoil it all. Ah well, it had been fun while it lasted.

Grabbing his drink from the barista, Magnus quickly hurried over to where Alec was, lifting an eyebrow and looking extremely amused at the company he was keeping. Simon found himself slightly insulted, but the rest of his friends didn't really seem like the type of people you would expect Alec to hang out with. They were hipster, loud and mundane. Alec was not, not, and not.

"Hello, darling," he said in greeting, depositing the cup of caffeine on the table and swooping down to kiss the top of Alec's head. "I thought you said demon hunting, not hanging out with the mundie." Simon didn't bother correcting him, distracted by the drop dead shock apparent on the faces of his friends. Alec just mumbled into the coffee, already gulping down Magnus' drink.

"Not for you, Alexander," Magnus said, plucking the cup out of Alec's grasp and swinging a chair over to sit down on. Simon was pretty sure that Magnus hadn't actually touched the chair.

"I finished mine," Alec said, peering sadly into his own, now empty, cup. Picking it up, and shaking it a bit as if that would make the coffee reappear again, he leant into Magnus, looking much happier than a few minutes ago. Both of them seemed to have forgotten about Simon and co until Eric suddenly blurted out, "You're gay."

Simon could have punched Eric and then banged his head repeatedly against the table. He knew how sensitive Alec still seemed to be about his sexuality. "Yeah," Alec muttered, suddenly uncomfortable, seeming to instinctively pull away from Magnus. But Magnus just wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in again and stared coolly up at Simon's friends. Simon hurriedly tried to think of an excuse for a quick exit.

"Problem?" Magnus asked, in a tone that indicated that there better not be. Even draped around a grumpy shadowhunter and looking like a glitter factory had vomited on him, Magnus still managed to look extremely threatening. It had to have been a skill he'd practiced.

Then Eric did his first intelligent thing all day and quickly replied, "No, of course not," looking very much like he wanted to get as far away from Magnus as possible. And then, having clearly not learned their lesson, Kirk commented, "This makes the slashfic even more awesome." This time Simon did drop his head to the table none to gently. His friends were complete idiots.

"With who?" Magnus asked. Trust Magnus to know what slashfic was. Last time, Alec had simply ignored the comment, presumably having no idea what they were talking about. Simon managed to gain the courage to look up again and saw Alec looking lost, glancing between all the people around him. Simon couldn't decide if it was the head banging, Simon's bizarre, totally inappropriate friends or the fact that his boyfriend actually seemed to know what was going on.

"Simon," Kirk replied eagerly. "Because of the whole life debt thing."

Magnus' eyebrows skyrocketed up his forehead. There was a pause in which Simon desperately tried for a way to salvage the situation that would not end with Magnus turning all of his friends into gerbils. The solution was strangely elusive. "You are not writing slashfic about my boyfriend with anyone other than me." Magnus declared, seeming to have recovered from the shock. Alec was looking even more confused, staring at Magnus like he had grown a third eye, but chose this moment to voice his confusion. "What the hell is a slashfic?"

"A gay pairing story," Magnus replied without missing a beat. Now was really the time to salvage the situation, Simon decided. Magnus was quickly exiting shocked and moving back to terrifyingly protective. So, as Alec sputtered and protested, Simon quickly declared, "We have to go practice now, see you guys later," and took blatant advantage of his vampire strength to start shoving his friends in the direction of the exit.

"Life debt?" he heard Magnus ask behind him and Simon glanced back to see Alec trying to drown whatever image was in his head with Simon's abandoned coffee. Magnus had now left terrifying and moved on to amused. Wondering how Alec was going to explain it, but guessing that "shut up and stop laughing" would be used quite often, Simon ignored his friend's protests and shoved them out the door. He really needed to teach his friends a few things about tact.


End file.
